…so many people might look back on the year we’ve just had, and feel a little sorry for us. From the outside, it looks pretty bad. We lost our main source of income, we’re just about a month away from being uninsured, we suffered a miscarriage and the loss of a great grandmother. Often people I run into say “how are things going?” , but they don’t say it casually. They say it in that “how-are-things-going-it’s-ok-to-burst-into-tears-I’m-here-for-you” way, and I have to remind myself why they seem so concerned.
In our little world, nothing really seems wrong. It is amazing to feel so safe and secure, so blessed and happy, and so totally unaware of what should be worrying me. I start each day with Annie and the Hubs, most mornings start the same: Annie wakes us up with some babbling and we bring her into bed, where she lavishes us with kisses while saying “Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad…” reconfirming that we’re right where we should be, and just as she likes us. She reminds me each and every day, that we’re a snug little threesome, and that’s about as comforting as it gets.
It’s been a year and a half now that I’ve had the title of “stay at home mom”. I don’t know life any other way since Annie has been with us. My last day at work, turned out to be the same night that I went into labor…it’s like Annie knew I was going to need something to do. So many people ask me, “aren’t you bored?” “how do you
just stay home all day”? -- I would have asked the same questions before I lived it. Now, I can’t imagine not having that time. The time to have the patience in the morning with a slow and sloppy breakfast, the chance to really know when my baby naps, and what she eats, how she spent her day and what experiences she had. It won’t be long before she’s off to school and we’ll join the rest of the world in rushing off to somewhere each day. But for right now, I can soak up this short time. We can’t “afford” for me to stay home (that’s my favorite comment, “oh, I only wish we could afford to do such a thing”). We live pretty simply, and I’d say we make sacrifices, but I hardly feel giving up things like cable and a gym membership are “sacrifices” when given the honor of tending to ones own flesh and blood? As for not feeling important or whole without a “real job” -- seriously? What’s more important than making a
person? Sure there are days where I long for my old quiet office, hot coffee and unlimited adult conversation. But not one project at work will ever stick in my mind, much less my heart, like Annie’s first smile, first trip to the store, first little coo, first solid meal, first words, first steps, first kisses, the way she lights up and yells "Daddy!" when she hears the back door open… What defined my life before motherhood, no longer defines me at all.
I know that 2011 will be full of surprises for us - and that’s ok, maybe down right exciting. :)
