Moving on...

Annie spent the past weekend in and out of the funeral home, she waddled around endlessly babbling to herself, or anyone who would listen. She played with her cousins and was thrilled to be with people slightly more her size. She missed meals and naps, but got extra hugs and family time...and as always, she took it all in stride.

I can't believe at 32 I'm such a complete sloppy mess over losing Annie's Great Grandma. She lived a long, happy, fulfilling 93 years - and I know there's not a single reason to blubber each day since she's passed. And yet, I do. I hear Annie yammerin' away, and to think, I no longer have the chance to take her to Great Grandma's to share all that chit-chat with her just breaks my heart. This morning when Annie looked me straight in the eye and purposely dropped her cheerio (not a real cheerio, a "toasty O"...we shop at Aldi after all, which would also make Gram proud), she smirked, dropped that cheerio on the floor and laughed...knowing it drove me crazy - and yet, that honery little thing...would have cracked Grandma up.

Some people are just completely irreplaceable, and that must be what makes them so much harder to let go.

I'm trying to chin up...stop thinking about what Grandma was...and keep on becoming what she wanted us to be. I won't miss that magical Grandma/Grandpa couple we've romanticized over the years so much if I spend more time working on becoming the modern day version.

I'll take the few pieces of Grandma's things I found, and I'll scatter them around our house, until they become our own. I'll turn out the lights in the rooms I'm not in, I'll keep using the water from the dehumidifier to put into the washing machine to save water, I'll insist on generic whenever possible, and better yet, I'll make it myself, I'll keep in touch with my dozens of cousins, and my children will play with theirs, I will become super woman somehow, and all the while, I'll read to my kids, I'll get down on the floor and really play with them, and hard as it may be, I'll try to never forget that the most important thing is to stop, love, and live right now. I'll spoil our kids with hugs, not things, and I'll love my husband, which is easy, since I picked a "wonderful man", and we'll build a fabulous family that will hopefully one day look up to us as the mother & father or grandma & grandpa duo that taught them to conserve, respect, work hard, and LOVE.

Annie lost her Great Grandma today. And oh what a GREAT Grandma she was…seems all too awkward to type “was” as we were on our way to see her just today. We were going to stop in at Great Grandma’s this afternoon, and she would have said “oh hey Robyn & Jeremy! And there’s that little Annabelle! Oh my heavens! She’s walking!” And then Annie would have opened her mouth and babbled and showed Great Grandma the words she’s learned to say: Mom, Daddy, shoe, chair, baby… And Great Grandma would have been so proud. And then Annie would have showed Great Grandma the sign language she has learned, and she would have proceeded to sign baby, eat, Grandma, bird, doggy, fish…and all the while Grandma would have told us how happy she was for us to visit, and how smart and wonderful our little Annie was.

The good news is, I can play that would have been visit in my mind a hundred times, and know that’s exactly how it would have gone. We would have put a smile on Grandma’s face – she would have put one on ours.

I miss my Grandma so much, I knew this day would come, and none of us will be here forever. I know she was ready; she’d had a wonderful, full life – with oodles of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to prove it. But, I’m not so sure I’m ready for her to be gone. I wanted her to hear Annie’s little voice today, see her toddle around, watch her proud face as she showed her Great Grandma her new tricks. I wanted Annie to know my Grandma as I did – the sandbox lovin, beach going, blueberry pickin, library book reading, kitten raising, blackjack teachin, rhubarb crisp makin, Grandma that endlessly filled pools for us on hot days, dunked us up and down in the wash tubs after a full day in the sand box on the farm. Nowhere else could I call “home” with so much freedom and fun in the outdoors completely uninhibited as I could at Grandma Fitz’s. She loved me, and all of my “dozens of cousins” as she would call us…and loved nothing more than to see us being “kids”.

I envy her spirited ways, and already miss the inspiration it gave me.

Whenever I asked her to tell me of our Grandpa who passed early, she always softened and said “he was such a wonderful man”. With as much sarcasm and wit as Grandma had, she never had anything but loving, respectful and appreciative things to say about her husband….and I guess I’ll let her skip out just as Annie is walking and talking, if I know she can finally be with that “wonderful man” again.

Potty Party

So....I was reading the other day about how "most" countries outside of the U.S. have their kids potty trained by 12 months. Golly, I thought all of our books said to start around 2 years or so...or when the kid seemed ready (not sure exactly what that means)....I personally thought Annie couldn't be ready until she could at least walk well, I mean, when was the last time you saw someone crawl to the potty? Aside from college of course.

Well, Annie walks well. And thus far, anything I thought she wasn't "ready for" she's surprised me with being more than ready for. So we got some potties. We went out today and picked out a potty for upstairs, and a potty for downstairs. I intended to just set them in the bathroom and let her get used to them being there, until, as our American toddler books instruct: "she's ready".

Annie thought the potties were pretty cool. She spent a good part of the afternoon carrying the "downstairs potty" around, and wearing it as a hat. I was going to stop the hat wearing, but I remembered "keep the experience positive" -- so I let her do as she pleased with the potty.

Just before her bath tonight, I set her on the potty. I gave her some TP to hold (that's what we do on the potty right?) and she sat there shredding the paper while I filled her bath tub. She got up to look in the tub, and just as I was to say "no no, sit down, we have to potty"...I looked in the brand new potty and sure enough! PEE! It was as if she got up to say, I'm done!

Now I realize my kid is not "potty trained" after ONE tinkle in the pink pot. BUT common...14 months old, just learned to walk?...spent the day with the "potty" on her head as a hat?...and then managed to get 'what goes where' in less than 12 hours of owning her own potty?

What a potty girl ;)

Some time at the little lake...and the big lake....

Annie on the run....

ANNIE WINS BABY CONTEST!

....for "baldest baby girl" Hooray for Annie!

Is she....

WALKING YET?

Yes.

Annie walks.

09.01.10

Up until this Wednesday, Annie would take a step here, or there, but nothing we could consider truly walking on her own. But on Wednesday afternoon, Annie and I took our usual afternoon stroll up and down our block. Sometimes we take a push toy, sometimes Annie just holds my hand, sometimes we wear shoes, often we do not. Maybe it was because she was walking downhill a bit? Maybe it was the new, cheap, shoes from Walmart? Whatever it was, it was magic...

Those first steps are supposed to be so amazing, I've often thought I would do cartwheels when she took them. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, it wasn't that big of a deal. Oh but it was. It wasn't the steps themselves that were so incredible. It was the look on her face as she stood alone, shaky, terrified and looking around for something to hold onto. Completely capable of not only standing alone, but probably running down the street if she had the confidence to do so. But yet, there she was, lower lip out, ready to pout. She wanted so badly to plop down and whimper as she so often does. But not this time! She stuck that lower lip out a little farther, waved her arms around as if to test her balance, and then toddled on down the five or six steps it was to get to me. Annie doesn't hug (she doesn't have time for such things) but as she toddled, she held her arms out, sped up, and threw her little arms around my neck. She was no longer pouting, but grinning and giggling.

She's been testing those walking legs a few times a day since. I love setting her somewhere and running ahead, so that she'll come wobbling towards me, arms outstretched, ready to give me another proud hug.

http://s708.photobucket.com/albums/ww86/MeekFam/?action=view¤t=zootripandanniewalks2-1.mp4