Why we have kids...

Why do we have kids?

Not a day (probably not an hour, if you're of the stay-at-home types) goes by that we don't think of this question as parents - sometimes googly eyed and gushing with love, and other times, resisting the urge to send our kids off to live with Ms. Hannigan.

But recently, I read this:

http://drinkandswear.tumblr.com/post/30738364693/tips-from-the-childless?og=1&fb_action_ids=3685612107543&fb_action_types=tumblr-feed%3Apost&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

Good stuff from an old friend.  And brilliantly written for someone without kids, although, a professional uncle and big brother, so that helps.

And, I always follow cousin's blog here: http://www.lateralmovements.com/  who lives the complete opposite life, in various parts of the world. 

This cousin, Lauren, will likely be coming to visit us this winter. 

Lauren knows a lot of sign language.

Our oldest is fond of sign language.

The other morning while I was getting ready, Annie was asking me what the sign for something was.  I had no idea (and can't remember what the word was).  I told her, you can ask cousin Lauren when she is here to visit us this winter, I'm sure she will be able to show you.

Annie:  Where is she?
Me:  Lauren is in Argentina right now.
Annie:  What's her babies name? (because everyone has a baby)
Me:  She doesn't have any babies.
Annie:  Why doesn't she have any babies?  (as if this was absurd)
Me: (pausing...)  Well, not everyone has babies...  (and I went on to describe reasons people might not have babies, as if I needed to...)

What I wanted to say was:  Well, maybe she doesn't want to give up her body for 9 months, her life for the following 18+ years, and her heart forever, maybe she enjoys pursuing her own dreams vs those of little versions of herself, maybe she likes to sleep when she's tired, eat when she's hungry, bathe when she's dirty, exercise, take a class, work, play, travel...  The reasons for not having children are endless.  Actually, Annie and I have a pretty open relationship for a 3 year old and a mom, so I really didn't censor much of what I just mentioned when I explained it to her.

But of course, we're of the reproducing folk...so her question has been burning in my mind for a bit.

If you asked me at 18 if I would ever get married or have kids, I would have said no way.  Of course, throughout most of my 20's I flip flopped from hopes of marriage one day and maybe kids, to thinking, nah, the single, free life is the way to go.  Either way, I got to a point, I was happy.  Happy being me, or happy with someone - but I didn't need one way or the other.

Then I got to know him.  Now, I know people get married for all sorts of reasons, much like they have kids for many different reasons.  But my experience went hand in hand.  I would never have wanted to get married if I didn't really find "the one" that was going to satisfy my twosome desires eternally, I'm not one for empty promises.  So once I found someone better for me than anyone I had ever met, nor would ever meet, someone I felt made the world a better place just by breathing (and consequently convinced him that I was his other half ;) - the best thing I could do with my life from that point on is make more of this guy. 

I'm not saying I got married, quit my job, and got busy all Duggar style.(http://www.duggarfamily.com/content/home) 

When I say the best thing I could do is make more of this guy, I don't mean as many of this guy as physically possible.  I mean, more like...I can't let the gene pool end here entirely. 

When I looked at what was really important to me once I became part of our team, what would mean a hill of beans when I looked back on my life...I knew it wasn't going to be climbing the corporate ladder or learning to knit.  (Although, if I ever find the time and desire, I might try to knit.)

I had an opportunity to build something entirely different and to take on a position that I couldn't be fired from, would never get a raise from, and would challenge me in ways I had never imagined.  The only business-like perk possible with this position is potentially a promotion, to Grandma...one day...long from now...with a lotta luck...

We built a home (not a house people, that's the shell, I'm talking about "home") and proceeded to reproduce.  Not only did I feel like I was reproducing a piece of our marriage, but each little baby is a  product of the past.  Maybe that new baby will have great-grandma's eyes, laugh like great aunt so-and-so, or have great-great-grandpa's sense of humor, and how often do we even know where these little traits come from?  Yet, when we recognize it, that flash of familiarity, is comforting and refreshing.  It's like a fresh start and a continuation all in one, to see your family grow.  Meeting someone for the first time, made from a long line of people we've known and loved all along, probably the very reason we "love them from that first breath".   A little bit of me and a little bit of him, and the mixture of our past, combined into one tiny little life with an entirely new future ahead. 

And we are honored enough to be a part of this experience?

That's reason enough for me to miss more sleep than I'd like to admit, sport a few (er, many) stretch marks, and never again use the bathroom alone.

To the best of my knowledge, my Grandma Fitzpatrick was a professional Grandma.  Before then there are rumors she was also a wife, mother, daughter, and sister, but as far as I was concerned, she was a GRANDMA.  At Grandma's funeral, my cousin, Kate (cousin's are really getting the publicity from me today), said:

 "...as I look around this room, I see all of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and I can see that her life's work, was us, and I feel very proud and thankful to be part of her life's work"  (and I can even hear her voice crack as she said that last part)

I completely agree, Kate.  I'm so proud to be part of her life's work, and the work of my family before me.

And that is why we have kids.