It's going to be a busy blog week...first Carter's party, then Annie's great news at the eye doctor -- and here I sit in the wee hours of the morning on Annabelle's FIRST BIRTHDAY! (I'm not staying up to blog (although I feel sappy enough that I could have) I'm waiting on some cupcakes and other various goodies.) So, lets see, this time last year, I was in labor. I had a hospital bag packed with one boy outfit and one girl outfit....and while we were anxiously awaiting which one we would need I was seriously starting to reconsider "natural childbirth". I've learned so much this year, the first of which, love and honor thy husband....and completely ignore his wishes on the birthing process. Next time, epidural...asap.
But that's not at all what I'm thinking about today. I'm thinking back on the first moments we saw Annabelle, and that's who she was, Annabelle June...tiny baby, LOUD baby, with squinty eyes and a head full of dark hair. The way I felt so awkward holding her and yet, I knew she felt just as awkward being on the outside...nothing was the same for her, just as it wasn't for me. Well, there we go, something in common already :) I wasn't immediately confident as a mother, but I was certainly confident that we were going to figure all of this out together. Now I would bet one of her favorite places is snuggled in our arms...and I can, without a doubt, say that I feel empty if I go a few hours without holding her. So much for awkward beginnings.
I stayed up through labor (which was overnight for us), I stayed up all the next day (staring at our new baby), and I pretty much stayed up the day after that...probably 72 hours of Momma-bliss with no sleep. I really don't remember sleeping at all...until sometime maybe in October ;) I know people would say, "can you believe how fast time is going"?...and quite honestly, every day last year up until Christmas felt like it was still July 14th. When you become a mother, you hit the ground running, no part time, no half days, and certainly very few coffee breaks ;)
And oh, the health issues. Galcto-what? Oh, Galactosemia...right, I'll google that in just a minute. We need to see a geneticist? And a genetic counselor? Along with a dietitian? Ok. I remember that Friday, Jeremy was scribbling down galactosemia on a scrap of paper, and said, "Annie needs soy formula"? At that time, we switched her to the soy, but full out expected whatever tests showed she was "galactosemic" were certainly false positives. After all, like Great Grandma Fitzpatrick says, "in this family, we eat anything that doesn't eat us"! Surely our baby will have a lifetime full of cheesy potatoes and ice cream cones. I remember actually chuckling at the thought of life any other way.
Of course the chuckling ended, Annie's tests continued to show this wasn't a fluke. Annie is galactosemic. I crumbled at the news (and I'd like to think I don't crumble much.) I had already read the worst of the worst...brain damage, liver failure, learning disabilities, speech difficulties...I began to look down at Annie and wonder what her life would be like. It was all so foreign to me, the diet, the complications, I honestly expected that she'd never walk, never talk, never smile. More often than I'd like to admit I just held her and cried. Cried about her future, cried about her diet, her restrictions, her challenges...
And what did Annie do?
She grew.
She ate like a champ and she grew some more.
She started smiling.
Then she started giggling.
She rolled over.
She sat up.
She started solid foods.
She grew some more.
She started babbling.
She wiggled back and forth on her knees for a few weeks...
and then she crawled.
She got some teeth.
She started feeding herself snacks.
She started recognizing pictures in books.
She gives high fives.
She claps.
She chases kitten around the house and pulls out his fur. (good kitten).
That's what Annie does. I worry. She lives. She explores and learns. She's having a good ol' time, and it's starting to catch on.
I know I'll never stop worrying, that's what all mother's do. But in one short year, Annie has taught me more about life than I could have ever learned in my first 30. I know we'll have our good days and our bad. I know there are challenges ahead that we can't imagine today. But I also know that there are fabulous moments in each day - and my new job is to make sure I don't miss them.
But that's not at all what I'm thinking about today. I'm thinking back on the first moments we saw Annabelle, and that's who she was, Annabelle June...tiny baby, LOUD baby, with squinty eyes and a head full of dark hair. The way I felt so awkward holding her and yet, I knew she felt just as awkward being on the outside...nothing was the same for her, just as it wasn't for me. Well, there we go, something in common already :) I wasn't immediately confident as a mother, but I was certainly confident that we were going to figure all of this out together. Now I would bet one of her favorite places is snuggled in our arms...and I can, without a doubt, say that I feel empty if I go a few hours without holding her. So much for awkward beginnings.
I stayed up through labor (which was overnight for us), I stayed up all the next day (staring at our new baby), and I pretty much stayed up the day after that...probably 72 hours of Momma-bliss with no sleep. I really don't remember sleeping at all...until sometime maybe in October ;) I know people would say, "can you believe how fast time is going"?...and quite honestly, every day last year up until Christmas felt like it was still July 14th. When you become a mother, you hit the ground running, no part time, no half days, and certainly very few coffee breaks ;)
And oh, the health issues. Galcto-what? Oh, Galactosemia...right, I'll google that in just a minute. We need to see a geneticist? And a genetic counselor? Along with a dietitian? Ok. I remember that Friday, Jeremy was scribbling down galactosemia on a scrap of paper, and said, "Annie needs soy formula"? At that time, we switched her to the soy, but full out expected whatever tests showed she was "galactosemic" were certainly false positives. After all, like Great Grandma Fitzpatrick says, "in this family, we eat anything that doesn't eat us"! Surely our baby will have a lifetime full of cheesy potatoes and ice cream cones. I remember actually chuckling at the thought of life any other way.
Of course the chuckling ended, Annie's tests continued to show this wasn't a fluke. Annie is galactosemic. I crumbled at the news (and I'd like to think I don't crumble much.) I had already read the worst of the worst...brain damage, liver failure, learning disabilities, speech difficulties...I began to look down at Annie and wonder what her life would be like. It was all so foreign to me, the diet, the complications, I honestly expected that she'd never walk, never talk, never smile. More often than I'd like to admit I just held her and cried. Cried about her future, cried about her diet, her restrictions, her challenges...
And what did Annie do?
She grew.
She ate like a champ and she grew some more.
She started smiling.
Then she started giggling.
She rolled over.
She sat up.
She started solid foods.
She grew some more.
She started babbling.
She wiggled back and forth on her knees for a few weeks...
and then she crawled.
She got some teeth.
She started feeding herself snacks.
She started recognizing pictures in books.
She gives high fives.
She claps.
She chases kitten around the house and pulls out his fur. (good kitten).
That's what Annie does. I worry. She lives. She explores and learns. She's having a good ol' time, and it's starting to catch on.
I know I'll never stop worrying, that's what all mother's do. But in one short year, Annie has taught me more about life than I could have ever learned in my first 30. I know we'll have our good days and our bad. I know there are challenges ahead that we can't imagine today. But I also know that there are fabulous moments in each day - and my new job is to make sure I don't miss them.
First 1st birtday present!
.JPG)
Trip to the park!.JPG)
Big girl lunch!.JPG)
First flower delivery, just for Annie!.JPG)
(believe it or not, she gobbled up some zuchinni earlier in the day faster than she ate this cupcake)
.JPG)
Year one: done!
Year one: done!
No comments:
Post a Comment