Moving on...

Annie spent the past weekend in and out of the funeral home, she waddled around endlessly babbling to herself, or anyone who would listen. She played with her cousins and was thrilled to be with people slightly more her size. She missed meals and naps, but got extra hugs and family time...and as always, she took it all in stride.

I can't believe at 32 I'm such a complete sloppy mess over losing Annie's Great Grandma. She lived a long, happy, fulfilling 93 years - and I know there's not a single reason to blubber each day since she's passed. And yet, I do. I hear Annie yammerin' away, and to think, I no longer have the chance to take her to Great Grandma's to share all that chit-chat with her just breaks my heart. This morning when Annie looked me straight in the eye and purposely dropped her cheerio (not a real cheerio, a "toasty O"...we shop at Aldi after all, which would also make Gram proud), she smirked, dropped that cheerio on the floor and laughed...knowing it drove me crazy - and yet, that honery little thing...would have cracked Grandma up.

Some people are just completely irreplaceable, and that must be what makes them so much harder to let go.

I'm trying to chin up...stop thinking about what Grandma was...and keep on becoming what she wanted us to be. I won't miss that magical Grandma/Grandpa couple we've romanticized over the years so much if I spend more time working on becoming the modern day version.

I'll take the few pieces of Grandma's things I found, and I'll scatter them around our house, until they become our own. I'll turn out the lights in the rooms I'm not in, I'll keep using the water from the dehumidifier to put into the washing machine to save water, I'll insist on generic whenever possible, and better yet, I'll make it myself, I'll keep in touch with my dozens of cousins, and my children will play with theirs, I will become super woman somehow, and all the while, I'll read to my kids, I'll get down on the floor and really play with them, and hard as it may be, I'll try to never forget that the most important thing is to stop, love, and live right now. I'll spoil our kids with hugs, not things, and I'll love my husband, which is easy, since I picked a "wonderful man", and we'll build a fabulous family that will hopefully one day look up to us as the mother & father or grandma & grandpa duo that taught them to conserve, respect, work hard, and LOVE.